Drunk baboons plague Cape Town's exclusive suburbs

Oh Please! I've been hearing  the same boo-hoo-hoo  about me and my friends since I was 12.

Each day, dozens of Cape Baboons gather to strip the ancient vines – the sauvignon blanc grapes are a particular favourite – before heading into the mountains to sleep. A few, who sample fallen fruit that has fermented in the sun, pass out and don't make it home.

 Isn't this just normal behavior for spunky kids expressing a healthy independence?:

"They are not just eating our grapes, they are raiding our kitchens and ripping the thatch off the roofs. They are becoming increasingly bold and destructive..."

And what up with this wimpy crybaby? It's just kids being kids, so STFU already!:

A 12 year old boy was left traumatised after confronting a troop who had broken into his family home. Hearing noises from the kitchen, he went to investigate and found the beasts ransacking cupboards. When the child fled upstairs to find his babysitter, three males gave chase and surrounded him as he made a tearful phone call to his mother, while the animals pelted him with fruit.

Here's the bottom line for the oh-so-inconvenienced snotty bourgeouisie:

"Lunch parties in the garden are now just impossible," a homeowner complained. "It is so unrelaxing. Rather than chatting over our meal, we are looking over our shoulders and bolting the food as quickly as we can before it is stolen. We can't even leave a window open in summer. We are under siege."

Of course, we never went this far, but hey! It's a new era of teen hi-jinks. Can't fault them for going a bit overboard with their joie de vivre!:

Chickens, geese, peacocks and even a Great Dane dog have been killed in recent weeks by the marauding baboons

I just see them as emerging wine connoisseurs, developing an appreciation for the finer things in life. I guess the uptight suburbanites feel threatened by the new wave of Dionysian post-punk oenophiles, who are able to revel in the ecstasy of the grape without compromising their youthful spirit:

...the animals won't devour any old variety... the unwanted visitors prefer sweet pinot noir grapes, which sell for far more than merlot and cabernet sauvignon. They also like a nice chardonnay.

 Who you callin' an animal tight-ass?